oh, the things i've learned.

today i graduated. it took me five years, but i, yours truly, got to wear an itchy hat that did not look cute while the dean of students missed pronounced my name, not once, but twice.

for the record, "piotraschke" is pronounced PIE-O-TRASH(but without the "h")-KEY. it's really not that hard. many people have mastered it. if my sister learned how to spell it eventually, people can say when given phonetic guides.

but my point today is something more than academic. my point today is that this week i learned that the physical world hates me. yup, that's right.

my ass got kicked this week...and not because i've been rumbling in the parking lot like usual. i give you three examples:

evidence piece A.) the ginormous blister that i got HELPING people. yup, that's right. i walked 6.2 miles on sunday to help people with aids and what happened?...my puma kicks gave me a blister that looked like my heel was infected with some ucky disease found in a third world country. it later popped during the debacle that gave us evidence piece c. i didn't take a picture because that's beyond nast. even i know that.

evidence piece B.)

the highlighted area would be what happened on tuesday..when the laundry basket in my room fell and hit the door while i was coming in from my shower, which then shoved the doorknob into my tum. granted that picture was taken yesterday, so the bruise (yup, i said bruise) has faded considerably. however, i felt that it was bad news since it was tardedly close to the scar from the hernia that almost was. plus, i swear i bruised an ovary. ew.

evidence piece c.)


this was the grandaddy of the world kicking my butt. apparently i burned the candle at 8 ends this week. who knew that not sleeping more than 3 hours for a whole week, when mixed with smoke inhalation and moving indoors (mixed with two martinis perhaps) would cause...yes, that's right...a bruise on my head. evidence c here appeared when i fainted...yes, fainted...outside the bathroom at the independent. not only did i hit my head on a tile wall, but an entire bathroom thought that i was passed out drunk in the bathroom stall. luckily by then, i had regained my vision and the ability to tell them such was not the case. what's even greater was the fact that girls were actually whispering about me outside the bathroom, causing bill-paying compton to think "i wonder if that's pio?". sure enough....

for the record, i would like to state that i did not pass out. passing out requires one to be incapacitated. i was completely lucid through this whole event...i just could see...or apparently stand for that matter.

but all that is inconsequential...because this girl is now endowed with all the knowledge a college degree can give:


...doesn't she look smarter already...she can tie her shoes and talk bullshit about art...wow...